Drawing Conclusions

I didn't know how mentally and emotionally messed up I really was. The year was 2018 and I had been searching for a job for a long tyme; that in itself can mess a person up emotionally and mentally, but that is a story for another day. Then at the end of January, I saw an ad for a job that seemed perfect for me. Of course, God had said no to every other job that seemed perfect for me, so, honestly, I had very little hope that this job would pan out either. I interviewed on a Monday and then heard nothing. Finally, on the following Friday I got the call that they wanted to hire me. Shock.

I started the following Tuesday and the next week I found myself hiding under my desk. The owner of the company was screaming at and threatening people at a volume and degree that you cannot imagine. I, however, didn't have to imagine it. I had already lived it for my entire childhood and the first several years of my adult life. The owner of the company was exactly like my dad, and it was horrible. I went to work every day with the same dread and fear I'd lived with for years. Much like being a child stuck in an abusive situation, I had no other choice, so I stayed.

Several months went by and I was getting more miserable by the day, but I was back in survival mode, and I didn't even realize how bad things were getting. Work life was miserable, and life outside of work, well, it wasn't that great either. An effort I had put my heart into for the last several years fell apart. Nothing like having people you trust do hurtful things. Suffice it to write, my mentality and emotions were severely messed up.

One day at work when the owner left to go to lunch, you really cannot imagine how bad life in that office was, I got up from my desk to go heat up my lunch. As I stood there waiting, I looked out the window into the field behind the building. There, about 35 or 40 feet away, was an adorable red fox! I don't know that I had ever been that close to a fox before, and I admit, I was quite excited!

For the next several weeks, off and on, I saw that lovely little fox and he brought me much needed joy during the long, stressful days. I thought about what he was up to, and I began to picture him on exciting adventures, helping people and saving the day! He was my little fero ... you know, fox hero! One day I thought about how fun it would be to write about his adventures, and that thought made me think how great it would be if I could illustrate the stories. There was only one problem. I couldn't draw anything. Nothing. Nada. Null...literally nothing, though I had always wanted to and had tried many tymes over the course of my then 40 years.

One day shortly thereafter, I was at the store, and I don't know why I thought this tyme might be different, but I felt an odd sense of confidence that prompted me to purchase a small sketch book and a small case of drawing pencils. I went home and looked up a picture of a fox and tried to draw it. Now, I am not going to tell you that it was a great fox because by some miracle I was able to draw, but it was better than anything I had drawn or rather tried to draw in the past. Interesting.

As the miserable days went on at work, I would spend at least part of my tyme in the evenings drawing. I started with simple animals, flowers, an apple...then I started getting brave and tried a covered bridge (which is actually hanging on my office wall as I write this). Next came barnyards and baskets and boots, oh my! Then an old truck, the country church that I attend, a pirate ship, a wishing well, snow globes, a horse-drawn sleigh, barns, trains, cabins, cottages and so much more. Every tyme I finished a drawing, I stared at it in disbelief for a little while, not because it was the greatest drawing ever, but because I couldn't draw anything, but yet now, somehow, I was. After the shock wore off, I'd take a picture of the drawing and send it to a few friends who knew about the misery I was going through at work. Then I would post the picture in a Facebook album I created called, "Learning to Draw".

Often, when I added a drawing, people would post kind comments and sometymes I would even get requests to buy a copy. How shocking is that? I went from not being able to draw a single thing, to selling my drawings. Now granted, I did not sell them for much, just enough to cover printing and matting costs, but still, it was an extremely odd happening, all things considered. 

As the months went on, I kept drawing everything from flowers to mountain scenes and beyond. One day, a friend sent me a picture of some trees that kind of formed the shape of a zebra head and told me it would make a neat drawing...so, I attempted to draw it. It turned out well enough that someone wanted to buy a print of it. So, I got the print ready and took it to work with me so I could ship it later that day, but I didn't get the chance. Why you wonder? Well, because the owner walked in my office, saw it, and bought it on the spot. Apparently, he was an art enthusiast.

I have to write that, after that day, things got a little better and the owner started to be a little nicer to me. He still had his fits of rage, but he didn't seem to be as hard on me as he had in the past. I started to hang some of my drawings on my office door and he would come in and look at them from tyme to tyme, under the guise of work and business, of course. Art. Who knew? 

Then, in the spring of 2020, the owner turned the business over to his son, and life at the office got a lot calmer. While I still dealt with the owner on some things, I didn't have the constant stress I had when he was in the office. With the advice of his son, I even got to a point where I could handle my interactions with the owner almost with ease, though a lot of that was because the owner liked artists and treated them differently...and apparently now, to him, I was an artist. Truth be told, there were tymes when he actually seemed kind, but I digress.

Fast forward to a November day in 2022 when the owner stopped by my office (his office was now across town, and our interactions were mostly over the phone).  He said he needed my help with something, but it wasn't work related. He went on to explain a project he wanted to do for a college classmate and ... I kid you not ... he sat right there in my office and commissioned a drawing. He sent me a picture taken of a picture on a computer screen and asked me to draw the house in the image. A couple weeks later when I was finished with the drawing, I matted and framed it for him. He seemed thrilled with the final product and, while I told him a fair price, he chose to add to it.

I have to admit, when I look back on those first couple weeks at a new job, hiding under my desk to escape the rage of a man who was just like my dad, I did wonder then what God was doing. Almost 5 years later, when I handed that same man the framed artwork that he commissioned me to draw, I had an idea of what God was doing. You see, God showed me that HE can do anything. God can give a talent to someone who, for 40 years, did not have it. God can give confidence to a woman who still feels like a scared little girl when she encounters the rage of grown, troubled men. God can open the eyes of a man who refused to see someone's worth and change the way he treats that person. 

Earlier in this account, I wrote, "Art. Who knew?" ... well, now I know just exactly Who knew all along.

Now, I don't know if the owner of that company will ever truly change, that is between him and God, but I do know that through my experience with the owner, God has changed me. He has shown, grown and taught me so much. He lit up some dark and difficult experiences in my past, and He is helping me process through them. He has grown my confidence and my emotional intelligence, allowing me to heal and offer grace where perhaps before I could not. He has taught me to trust Him, even when I have no idea what to think and cannot understand what is going on, because He is always working good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. 

So, if you are in a situation you don't understand, or dealing with circumstances you don't have the first clue how to navigate, take it from one who truly knows: trust God. Talk to God. Heed the prompting God puts in your heart...even if it is as bizarre as "Even though you have no artistic ability, get a sketch pad and draw a fox". You will be absolutely amazed at what He will do when you listen to Him.