Sometymes Friendship is Hard

The other evening as I visited with a small group of friends, we discussed the biblical standpoint of friendship. The bible actually has a lot to say about friendship and the importance of being a true friend. The book of Proverbs is full of wisdom on the subject, while the Old Testament accounts of Jonathan and David outline and highlight a true friendship of the soul.

While it’s true that not everyone on earth is blessed with a soul-ship like Jonathan and David, everyone does have the ability to be a true friend. As our discussion went on, someone commented that, “sometymes friendship is hard”. It was clear that this individual was struggling with the topic and while he could not give details, he admitted that one of his long-tyme friendships was becoming burdensome due to poor decisions on the friend’s part.

The Bible - in Proverbs 17:17 - says, “A friend loves at all tymes, and a brother is born for adversity.”

This verse tells us that friendship is love and that we should always be a friend, and that the purpose of friendship (brotherhood) is to be there during tymes of adversity. If we know all that, why is it that still ‘sometymes friendship is hard’? Well, I rather equate friendship to Algebra. Just because we have the formula doesn’t mean we understand how it applies to life. I mean honestly, unless you’re teaching math, how often do you have a day when X actually equals anything?

I have to admit, since our small group discussion, I’ve thought a lot about the subject of friendship, what it means to be a true friend. It wasn’t until today, however, that I considered what friendship is not. While in a seemingly surface discussion with a young lady, she commented that someone was a good friend because the person supported every decision she made. I’ll be honest, my heart sunk in my shoes when I heard her misguided viewpoint on friendship. A true friend doesn’t say, “do whatever makes you happy”. A true friend says, “do what pleases and glorifies God”.

The young lady’s statement was actually the answer we were seeking in our small group discussion; a misguided view of friendship explains why sometymes friendship is hard. We are supposed to be a friend at all tymes, but when someone doesn’t understand what friendship is, it can create the very adversity for which a friend (or brother) is born.

Let’s be honest, no one wants to face the fact that something they are doing is wrong in the eyes of God, but the truth of the matter is, being a true/good/real friend means being Christ-minded on someone’s behalf. It means wanting for someone that which God has for them. It means treating someone as Christ would treat them, enveloping the person while not tolerating actions that do not glorify God.

In 1855, a man by the name of Joseph Scriven wrote a song born from his deep griefs and burdens. After poor health made his dreams of a military career impossible, and after the tragic deaths of two fiancées several years removed, Scriven found himself needing friendship. History’s notes show that Scriven was something of an outcast among his neighbors and such, so he turned to another source for friendship...and what perfect Friendship he found. So perfect in fact that he had to share it …

“What a Friend We Have in Jesus”.

Jesus was a friend to everyone, but He didn’t tolerate anything that didn’t glorify and honor God. He was a friend to the woman at the well who had had five husbands and was currently living with a man to whom she wasn’t married, but Jesus called her out on the sin and instructed her to get her life right with God. Jesus was a friend to the woman accused of committing adultery, but He silenced her accusers and told her to go and sin no more. Jesus was a friend to Peter who had a temper, to Zacchaeus who over-taxed people, and to a myriad of others who struggled to make the right decisions. Still, in every situation, Jesus pointed them to the will and word of God.

The fact is, friendship will always be hard on some level when one friend doesn’t want God to be a part of the equation, but a true friend will always make God the X-factor (see what I did there?). While we never have to solve anything for God, He is the solution to any and every problem we meet. To love our friends, to always be a friend and to be present during tymes of adversity, all we have to do is show God to them. He will do the rest and give us rest.

“What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer
Oh what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pain we bear
All because we do not carry, everything to God in prayer

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer!
Can we find a friend so faithful, who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer!

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer!
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he'll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.”

-J. Scriven-